Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize