that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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