I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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