its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
