They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
