after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
