i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
