i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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