it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
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