i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
