thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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