Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
