I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
