I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
