I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
