Ambien. No doubt about it.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
