i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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