What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
