I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
