where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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