it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
