i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
