Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
