Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
