I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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