He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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