My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
