i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
