He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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