i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
