dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
