we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
