he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Pants are for mortals
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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