What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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