you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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