he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Randomize
