So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
