Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
