i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
