Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
