My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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