Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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