the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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