he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
pray to the hookup gods
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
