ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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