Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
