Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize