Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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