For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
