I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
