Quick, to the slutcave!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
