Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize