well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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