I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
