i used baking grease as lip gloss
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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