I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
