This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
