He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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