u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
