Someone shit on the floor
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
