I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
