I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
