I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
