I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
