when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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