Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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