just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
