do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
