i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
