please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
