Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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