I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Can you repeat that, but with context?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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