I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
